a few thoughts on the last days

so we're down to the days of "lasts" -- my last trip to meijer, my last intern breakfast, my last burger at the cottage bar, my last 24/7 prayer week. the countdown has begun.

and what is on my mind in these final days? seems like a switch got flipped on wednesday and now i'm in this sweet spot of simultaneously being deeply present and affectionate with my here-and-now while also being absolutely ready to for tim to come take me home. it's teaching me some things about waiting for heaven.

so i've been thinking about things like learning how to quilt, about the role of information and books in my life as a disciple, about what it means to minister to Jesus like the women who followed him from Galilee to meet his needs, and about summer in madison with tim. i'm savoring meals with the tenderos and the interns (what wonderful food we eat!), and loving the heck out of the hobos. i'm patiently watching salmon jump up the fish ladder, taking photos of my friends and family playing together, shopping at vintage stores and staying up late with my housemates, and listening to adam cox's teachings on the KC boiler room website as i begin to pack. i'm seeing and seizing opportunities to pass on whatever small bits of wisdom i've gleaned to those who will come/continue after me here. and most of all, i'm just walking around with this quiet certitude that He is very very near to me, and that He is smiling.

in lots of ways i've been less present to tim. there's been many days when i've had to cancel or rearrange our rhythm of nightly phone conversations, and i've been writing him fewer emails. but though on the surface i'm giving him less of my time and energy right now, my heart is quietly but surely becoming more completely his, more and more readied to go. with him.

so these are the last days. and i am quiet inside.