here is the honest truth

here is the honest truth (i'll be transparent): sometimes He breaks me. i've been shaken and i've been dancing again with ghosts of familiar spirits. there's been that oppressive cloud of condemnation, doubt, fear, and control threatening to smother me. indeed, i was held captive three days in isolation and despair. it took me three days to see clearly enough what i needed to do next: i've been having to stand on faith alone and by sheer will-power choose to believe my God. i've had to peel my fingers from their clinging grasp on some things and at the same time open my heart to receive those same things with full assurance. this brokenness, which led to surrender, humility, and boldness, is part of how He fathers me.

here is the honest truth (i'll be transparent): He is for me. He smiles at my tenacity like a proud papa. He doesn't keep me in despair and He has never ever ever failed to respond to my cry for help. He continues to deliver me, deeply and intimately. He loves it when i stand in agreement with Him and fight to take hold of Him. He loves that i wrestle with Him and don't let go until i've seen Him prove Himself good. He speaks to me and His voice is gentle, kind and seeping love. i am free and i am confidently possessing the land He's given me to inherit. He has made promises to me. He has said YES.