this morning at bedside baptist church

there are days for staying in bed until noon. maybe we can call it - if it occurs on a sunday morning - attending bedside baptist church. though i actually mean it; i did have church right here in my bed.

first, we (and by "we" i mean God and I) studied and reflected on ephesians 4, romans 12, and 1 cor 12-14 and the subject of spiritual gifts and the five-fold office of the church. here's a little bit of what we were learning...

according to 1 Cor 12:27-30, in the church, there are:

• FIRST OF ALL apostles - those who make initial contact with newbies who have not yet heard the name of Christ; who establish initial churches (simple gatherings of people in the name of Jesus)
• SECONDLY, prophets -- those who speak the heart of God over the new church to strengthen it and encourage it for what lies ahead
• THIRD, teachers -- those who deepen the believers in their knowledge of the gospel and the nature of God
• THEN workers of miracles and those having gifts of healing -- those who demonstrate the power of the gospel in individual lives and set people free from bondage
• THEN all the other gifts to fill in the gaps -- discernment, administration, helping, tongues, service, wisdom, knowledge, faith, encouragement

also this morning at bedside baptist church, we read several chapters in a book about courtship. i laughed when i read this sentence: "a direct correlation exists between emotionally unhealthy singles and singles who resist courtship, embracing and defending dating instead." i laughed because this was me. the very fact that i am reading a book about courtship with only minimal smirking and a posture of teachable-ness is a marker of my emotional healing. i would have scorned such a book a few years ago. it's not that tim and i have even been using the word Courtship to talk about what we're doing, but as i was reading the principles of this book today, I can see that we are living out what the author is prescribing (well, except for the recommendations about precisely how many hours we can spend alone together per phase and whether or not we're allowed to hug).

i remember back to a time about a year and a half ago when i was mired in a pile of relationship books and articles trying to figure out why my relationship was so hopelessly stuck and i so unceasingly restless within it; hoping that if i worked hard enough i could figure out how to make my relationship work and thereby avoid pain. and into that swirl of confusion and fear, God whispered, "brooke, do you want to trust your books or do you want to trust me?" and i said, "i choose you, God." since then the holy spirit has been my teacher in all things, but especially in the school of relationships/intimacy, starting with teaching me how to be a wife of Jesus. it's ironic to see how He's schooled me according to the principles i'm now reading in this book. i guess that just bears testimony to the presence of the holy spirit in it.

girlfriends who are still single or struggling in their relationships have been lately asking me, in regards to tim, if it has been worth waiting for. to this i respond, wholeheartedly, "YES!" but then i add, "my only regret is that i didn't wait more gracefully. i wish i hadn't created so many ishmaels along the way."

we also spent some time in bedside baptist church this morning journaling about some dreams in my heart and putting them before God. these are four roles i would like to have characterize me, and which i would like to further develop:
1) making home
2) spiritual direction (including hearing the voice of God)
3) inner healing prayer
4) narrative photography
i was telling tim last night on the phone that i would like to seek further training/education in these areas through some really specific means. and he said, "but brooke, whether you get all that training or not, you already ARE those things. you're already walking in it." oh. i guess it's good to have people like tim around to point those things out to me before i lay down hundreds of dollars in a quest to somehow become more legitimate. IF i seek further training in these things, it should be out a heart that just wants to be refined and supported, rather than made into something it previously wasn't.

lastly, we laid out our requests before God in the area of finances. this included, but is not limited to: desire to see my substantial student loan debt eliminated, fear of returning to the work place and losing my soul in the process, a latent and perhaps unreasonable desire to be completely provided for, nervousness about the costs of moving and paying rent again, taking the plunge of audacious tithing even when i feel like i can't afford it, etc. i wrote them all down because i know God will show Himself faithful in all of these areas and if i record them, i can testify later to how He answers.

and then, we got up and had breakfast. two over-easy eggs with buttered "rye-free rye" bread, half a green apple with sunflower seed butter, a small glass of superfood green juice, and a couple cups of french press ethiopian coffee with vanilla soy creamer. mmmmmmm.

now, we will go take a shower and put on day clothes.

happy sabbath.