Stockbridge Boiler Room
I read this blog, which is written by acquaintances of mine living missionally in the upper west side of Grand Rapids... and I want it. I want this life, this savior, this abundance.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Freedom for 2008!
No, this isn't a political campaign slogan... :).
As I've been called closer to God's heart in the last several months, I find my spirit churned up frequently with the matter of bondage vs. freedom. I look back over the days, weeks, months, and maybe even years that I have lived not as the free woman that I am, but as one who walks around with the yoke of slavery on her neck, and I grieve. I also then start to get really ticked off.
Our enemy is indeed prowling around like a lion, seeking to steal, kill, and destroy. His team has devoted their entire life to knowing us intimately -- all our cracks and wounds -- and designing custom-made lies, which are then implanted in those cracks and watered continually with lies. They also engineer further life experiences that will seem to confirm those lies. You and I both have our own particular themes or "core wounds" that will be played and replayed with infinite number of variations throughout our entire life.
When I sit with people in the midst of their "stuff" in my little health counseling office, or with a friend in my living room, I see between the lines of their struggles a real slavery, a bondage. Some are enslaved to a deep-seated fear of what others think, or to shame about a broken relationship, or they are enslaved to the alluring messages of personal rights to "happiness" and "fulfillment." And we each walk around with varying degrees of awareness about our bondage.
As I look into the new year, I want to see it unfold as a year of freedom! My prayer for myself and others who are allowing themselves to be burdened again by a yoke of slavery is that we would first of all have spiritual eyes to see. We need to be able to see and discern when the fruit in our lives is from the enemy, and to penetrate below the surface "distraction" lies to the root lie. Usually the root has something to do with a disbelief in the goodness and character of God.
Then we need to be empowered. Oh, but we already ARE! It's more a matter of accepting and exercising the authority we've been given in Christ. We can drive away demons (though this seldom looks like the infamous exorcisms of Hollywood movies gone by) and command our bodies and minds to come into alignment with truth. This is our spiritual inheritance in Christ. It will feel a lot like doing battle, but we must fight tirelessly with His energy at work in us.
Finally, we need to replace the lies. When a large lie is carved out of the depths of our heart like some insidious tumor, what is left is a big hole. That hole needs filling! It is not enough to clear the space, we must then invite in the Spirit to fill every place in us.
I love Spider Man 3 for the vivid imagery it provides of this spiritual battle -- the black sticky thing that crawls all over Peter Parker and magnifies all the insecurities and sin that are already present in him until he becomes a stranger to himself. Indeed, he wasn't himself at all -- he was in the grip of something dark and powerful, but it did not originate from him! It's SO important that we know this -- our sin and our bondage... this is NOT the truth about us. Still, Peter Parker had to wrestle and fight and CHOOSE to be free from this monster. (Unfortunately, he didn't have the benefit of a Powerful and Loving Savior to call upon for that freedom, but we do.)
Either Christ came to set us free from the bondage to sin and death or He did not. And if we believe that he came to set us free from the bondage to sin and death then He came to set us free from it NOW, not LATER. We don't have to wait until Heaven to start walking in that freedom.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So let's place ourselves in the presence of that Spirit regularly in the upcoming year. Imagine what a throng of free men and women could do to this world.
Here's another good article by Beth Moore on this topic.
As I've been called closer to God's heart in the last several months, I find my spirit churned up frequently with the matter of bondage vs. freedom. I look back over the days, weeks, months, and maybe even years that I have lived not as the free woman that I am, but as one who walks around with the yoke of slavery on her neck, and I grieve. I also then start to get really ticked off.
Our enemy is indeed prowling around like a lion, seeking to steal, kill, and destroy. His team has devoted their entire life to knowing us intimately -- all our cracks and wounds -- and designing custom-made lies, which are then implanted in those cracks and watered continually with lies. They also engineer further life experiences that will seem to confirm those lies. You and I both have our own particular themes or "core wounds" that will be played and replayed with infinite number of variations throughout our entire life.
When I sit with people in the midst of their "stuff" in my little health counseling office, or with a friend in my living room, I see between the lines of their struggles a real slavery, a bondage. Some are enslaved to a deep-seated fear of what others think, or to shame about a broken relationship, or they are enslaved to the alluring messages of personal rights to "happiness" and "fulfillment." And we each walk around with varying degrees of awareness about our bondage.
As I look into the new year, I want to see it unfold as a year of freedom! My prayer for myself and others who are allowing themselves to be burdened again by a yoke of slavery is that we would first of all have spiritual eyes to see. We need to be able to see and discern when the fruit in our lives is from the enemy, and to penetrate below the surface "distraction" lies to the root lie. Usually the root has something to do with a disbelief in the goodness and character of God.
Then we need to be empowered. Oh, but we already ARE! It's more a matter of accepting and exercising the authority we've been given in Christ. We can drive away demons (though this seldom looks like the infamous exorcisms of Hollywood movies gone by) and command our bodies and minds to come into alignment with truth. This is our spiritual inheritance in Christ. It will feel a lot like doing battle, but we must fight tirelessly with His energy at work in us.
Finally, we need to replace the lies. When a large lie is carved out of the depths of our heart like some insidious tumor, what is left is a big hole. That hole needs filling! It is not enough to clear the space, we must then invite in the Spirit to fill every place in us.
I love Spider Man 3 for the vivid imagery it provides of this spiritual battle -- the black sticky thing that crawls all over Peter Parker and magnifies all the insecurities and sin that are already present in him until he becomes a stranger to himself. Indeed, he wasn't himself at all -- he was in the grip of something dark and powerful, but it did not originate from him! It's SO important that we know this -- our sin and our bondage... this is NOT the truth about us. Still, Peter Parker had to wrestle and fight and CHOOSE to be free from this monster. (Unfortunately, he didn't have the benefit of a Powerful and Loving Savior to call upon for that freedom, but we do.)
Either Christ came to set us free from the bondage to sin and death or He did not. And if we believe that he came to set us free from the bondage to sin and death then He came to set us free from it NOW, not LATER. We don't have to wait until Heaven to start walking in that freedom.
Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So let's place ourselves in the presence of that Spirit regularly in the upcoming year. Imagine what a throng of free men and women could do to this world.
Here's another good article by Beth Moore on this topic.
Friday, December 28, 2007
The Green Well
LOVE this new restaurant in East Hills.
Went there for dinner last night and had one of the best meals I've had in a while. It was right up my ally. Grilled salmon on top of a mixture of quinoa, green lentils, and veggies in a coconut curry sauce.
And now I am going to go in the kitchen and attempt to recreate this delicious fare (minus the salmon, I think).
But first, here are a couple more food shots from dinner last night.
Went there for dinner last night and had one of the best meals I've had in a while. It was right up my ally. Grilled salmon on top of a mixture of quinoa, green lentils, and veggies in a coconut curry sauce.
And now I am going to go in the kitchen and attempt to recreate this delicious fare (minus the salmon, I think).
But first, here are a couple more food shots from dinner last night.
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Dear Nikon D80
Dear Nikon D80,
Welcome to my world.
I am so glad you're here.
You are my Big Girl Camera.
Your fond new owner/user,
Brooke
Welcome to my world.
I am so glad you're here.
You are my Big Girl Camera.
Your fond new owner/user,
Brooke
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Intolerance and Codependency
Maybe this isn't normal, but two of my Christmas-time conversations with my family centered around intolerance and codependency. How festive.
The codependency word came up around a conversation about healing and moving on from a painful relationship that still impacts each of us. The intolerance word came up when my brother was telling my mom about the sermon he heard at his home church; a sermon that noted the incompatibility of other religious traditions with the story of the incarnation.
I take issue with both of these pop-psych buzz words. Though I understand their place -- they, like any other word, are attempting to put language (or a diagnostic term?) on an intangible phenomenon -- I do not like what they have done to us.
"Codependency" has made us paranoid about allowing others to depend on us or putting ourselves and our needs on hold for the benefit of another person. I'm sure there is indeed a fine line between Christ-like sacrifice and pathology in this department. I have heard parents and spouses wrestle with anxiety for being accused of codependent behavior in the way he/she attempts to bring sanity and restoration in a relationship with a troubled child or a struggling spouse. I think sometimes people distance and defend themselves unnecessarily in order to avoid being labeled codependent. Don't we need to get our hands dirty and our hearts broken a little as we engage with people in their broken places? Don't we need to spend ourselves on behalf of the poor and consider the needs of others more important than our own? At what point does this become pathological?
"Intolerance" has made us paranoid of holding strong convictions; convictions that imply the existence of an absolute truth that does NOT leave room for everyone to be right. Again, I'm sure there is a fine line here, too between uncompromising dedication to divine truth and pathology. But I hear people downplaying and stripping of power their belief in a living and engaged God in the name of being "relevant" and "tolerant." Do we really serve anyone by painting pictures of soft, ambiguous spirituality? Have we made offending someone such a great evil that we refrain from speaking unapologetic truth (mingled with love) into the lives of those who are desperate for some solid ground to stand on?
I realize that I sound like a wacky fundamentalist in this post. I am cringing at myself right now, so I understand if you are cringing, too. But hopefully you can see through this to understand my legitimate hesitations about the place of words like Codependency and Intolerance in our communal vocabulary. And those of you who know me well know that I am definitely NOT a fundamentalist.
What's your take?
The codependency word came up around a conversation about healing and moving on from a painful relationship that still impacts each of us. The intolerance word came up when my brother was telling my mom about the sermon he heard at his home church; a sermon that noted the incompatibility of other religious traditions with the story of the incarnation.
I take issue with both of these pop-psych buzz words. Though I understand their place -- they, like any other word, are attempting to put language (or a diagnostic term?) on an intangible phenomenon -- I do not like what they have done to us.
"Codependency" has made us paranoid about allowing others to depend on us or putting ourselves and our needs on hold for the benefit of another person. I'm sure there is indeed a fine line between Christ-like sacrifice and pathology in this department. I have heard parents and spouses wrestle with anxiety for being accused of codependent behavior in the way he/she attempts to bring sanity and restoration in a relationship with a troubled child or a struggling spouse. I think sometimes people distance and defend themselves unnecessarily in order to avoid being labeled codependent. Don't we need to get our hands dirty and our hearts broken a little as we engage with people in their broken places? Don't we need to spend ourselves on behalf of the poor and consider the needs of others more important than our own? At what point does this become pathological?
"Intolerance" has made us paranoid of holding strong convictions; convictions that imply the existence of an absolute truth that does NOT leave room for everyone to be right. Again, I'm sure there is a fine line here, too between uncompromising dedication to divine truth and pathology. But I hear people downplaying and stripping of power their belief in a living and engaged God in the name of being "relevant" and "tolerant." Do we really serve anyone by painting pictures of soft, ambiguous spirituality? Have we made offending someone such a great evil that we refrain from speaking unapologetic truth (mingled with love) into the lives of those who are desperate for some solid ground to stand on?
I realize that I sound like a wacky fundamentalist in this post. I am cringing at myself right now, so I understand if you are cringing, too. But hopefully you can see through this to understand my legitimate hesitations about the place of words like Codependency and Intolerance in our communal vocabulary. And those of you who know me well know that I am definitely NOT a fundamentalist.
What's your take?
Monday, December 17, 2007
"I haven't given up on you"
This weekend I cheated on my own church and Chris and I went to Mars Hill instead (but hey, at least we went to church! We haven't been so good about that lately). It felt good to be there again. I enjoy the stripped-down simplicity of that place, the patched-together unpretentiousness. It seems to keep the focus on Who is showing up there more than on how well presented it all is.
Rob Bell was preaching and his sermon was a non-traditional Christmas sermon. It started with the words of the angels singing, "Glory to God in the highest heavens" and then launched into an exploration of the meaning of Glory -- weightiness, significance, honor. The Hebrew word is kavod. Glory starts with God but it is something that He shares with human beings, in fact He has crowned us with it (Psalm 8:4-5). He has tied up His glory with our own, so that the two are not separable.
Rob discussed the fact that because we are crowned with this glory, we live with an awareness -- however deeply buried it may at times be -- that we are created for so much MORE. When we hear a story of redemption or a song celebrating life, something resonates deep in our soul, and that is because it has touched our kavod.
I'm reminded of C.S. Lewis' sermon, titled The Weight of Glory. Indeed, it IS a weight. It is a weight because awareness of intended, inborn glory breeds the discomfort of conscious falling-short. We are not living into what we were meant to be. That's painful.
And THIS is where the Christmas story speaks to us -- at this intersection of longing for glory and falling miserably short of it. The incarnated God whispers, firmly, "I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you." The Christmas story is about God giving to His people a way back to glory. It is about Him asserting and affirming that place in us that yearns desperately to share in His weightiness.
----
This is all very lovely and somewhat abstract, but this weekend it also had a connection to a very real situation in my life. A situation in which I fell back into a familiar rut of responding to someone I care about very much in a way that was withholding, critical, and cold. I fell back into a way of being in relationship that was born out of woundedness, and which keep waiting to outgrow, with only limited success. The contrast between how I behaved with this person (both in the posture of my heart and in my actions) and my most deeply-cherished ideals about what human relationship are intended to be (glory) was painfully sharp. I am keenly aware of how much I've come short of kavod. This quickly descended into despair of what a hopeless case I am; that I will never get this right.
And then, as I was thinking through all of this, I remembered Rob Bell whispering the very words of God, "I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you." And that spoke comfort to my deepest places.
I am created for those ideals of God-designed human relationship and it is right that I feel pain and disappointment when I fall short of them; that's evidence of the indwelling kavod. But
He has not led me here to abandon me. Where He makes me conscious of my short-comings, He will also provide redemption and sanctification to lift me up and into His glory again. Even here in my messiest places. Especially here.
Rob Bell was preaching and his sermon was a non-traditional Christmas sermon. It started with the words of the angels singing, "Glory to God in the highest heavens" and then launched into an exploration of the meaning of Glory -- weightiness, significance, honor. The Hebrew word is kavod. Glory starts with God but it is something that He shares with human beings, in fact He has crowned us with it (Psalm 8:4-5). He has tied up His glory with our own, so that the two are not separable.
Rob discussed the fact that because we are crowned with this glory, we live with an awareness -- however deeply buried it may at times be -- that we are created for so much MORE. When we hear a story of redemption or a song celebrating life, something resonates deep in our soul, and that is because it has touched our kavod.
I'm reminded of C.S. Lewis' sermon, titled The Weight of Glory. Indeed, it IS a weight. It is a weight because awareness of intended, inborn glory breeds the discomfort of conscious falling-short. We are not living into what we were meant to be. That's painful.
And THIS is where the Christmas story speaks to us -- at this intersection of longing for glory and falling miserably short of it. The incarnated God whispers, firmly, "I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you." The Christmas story is about God giving to His people a way back to glory. It is about Him asserting and affirming that place in us that yearns desperately to share in His weightiness.
----
This is all very lovely and somewhat abstract, but this weekend it also had a connection to a very real situation in my life. A situation in which I fell back into a familiar rut of responding to someone I care about very much in a way that was withholding, critical, and cold. I fell back into a way of being in relationship that was born out of woundedness, and which keep waiting to outgrow, with only limited success. The contrast between how I behaved with this person (both in the posture of my heart and in my actions) and my most deeply-cherished ideals about what human relationship are intended to be (glory) was painfully sharp. I am keenly aware of how much I've come short of kavod. This quickly descended into despair of what a hopeless case I am; that I will never get this right.
And then, as I was thinking through all of this, I remembered Rob Bell whispering the very words of God, "I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you. I haven't given up on you." And that spoke comfort to my deepest places.
I am created for those ideals of God-designed human relationship and it is right that I feel pain and disappointment when I fall short of them; that's evidence of the indwelling kavod. But
He has not led me here to abandon me. Where He makes me conscious of my short-comings, He will also provide redemption and sanctification to lift me up and into His glory again. Even here in my messiest places. Especially here.
All the days of my struggle
I will wait for my change
I will wait for my change to come
Only do not hide Your face from me
Don't take your hand away
Don't take your hand away
I will wait for my change to come
--Fernando Ortega, I Will Wait For My Change
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Quotes that inspire..
"If God has come in the flesh, and if God keeps coming to us in our fleshly existence, than all of life is shot through with meaning. Earth is crammed with heaven, and heaven (when we finally get there) will be crammed with earth. Nothing wasted. Nothing lost. Nothing secular. Nothing absurd... All are grist for the mill of a down-to-earth spirituality."
--Paul Stevens
"When we go into the Presence, we find someone not against us, but someone who is definitely FOR us! The saints report, 'Someone else is holding me.' 'Someone is believing in me.' That's what people who pray always say...The great ones are in agreement: the mystical Jews, Christians, Muslims, and Hindus -- at that level the language is the same. God is a lover."
Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs
"Self-knowledge is God's gift, not the result of your introspection."
--David Benner, The Gift of Being Yourself
"The glory of God is man fully alive."
--St. Irenaeus
"Sometimes the whole world is nothing
So much
As an altar inviting us
To kneel"
--Linford Detweiler
"Lord, my heart is full of admiration
And I want to talk with You,
For I am sure you understand me,
In spite of my contradictions."
--Czeslaw Milosz, Meditation
"I will travel to You, Lord, through a thousand blind alleys.
You want to bring me to You through stone walls."
--Thomas Merton, Dialogues with Silence
"My Lord, You have heard the cry of my heart
because it was You who cried out within my heart."
--Thomas Merton, Dialogues with Silence
--Henry David Thoreau
--Paul Stevens
"When we go into the Presence, we find someone not against us, but someone who is definitely FOR us! The saints report, 'Someone else is holding me.' 'Someone is believing in me.' That's what people who pray always say...The great ones are in agreement: the mystical Jews, Christians, Muslims, and Hindus -- at that level the language is the same. God is a lover."
Richard Rohr, Everything Belongs
"Self-knowledge is God's gift, not the result of your introspection."
--David Benner, The Gift of Being Yourself
"The glory of God is man fully alive."
--St. Irenaeus
"Sometimes the whole world is nothing
So much
As an altar inviting us
To kneel"
--Linford Detweiler
"Lord, my heart is full of admiration
And I want to talk with You,
For I am sure you understand me,
In spite of my contradictions."
--Czeslaw Milosz, Meditation
"I will travel to You, Lord, through a thousand blind alleys.
You want to bring me to You through stone walls."
--Thomas Merton, Dialogues with Silence
"My Lord, You have heard the cry of my heart
because it was You who cried out within my heart."
--Thomas Merton, Dialogues with Silence
"...I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer."
--Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903, Letters to a Young Poet
--Henry David Thoreau
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Giving the "Right" Way
(MOM: If you're reading this, you want to stop here unless you want to know what you're getting for Christmas)I'm pleased to note that there seems to be a strong front of anti-consumerism sweeping its way across certain subcultures in the US. I noticed it a few years ago when my Roost family decided that we didn't need to give each other "stuff" anymore, and decided instead to pool together our money and give it to charitable organizations. I see it happening on a large scale at Kensington Community Church (Chris' home church), where the congregation is being challenged to have an Upside-Down Christmas. And I notice it in the fact that so few of my friends are doing Christmas shopping this year.
But here's what I'm not sure how to handle. Say I get on the bandwagon with this anti-consumerism, pro-giving movement (which I totally AM! God knows we need less junk!), and yet I still want to take seriously the words of Jesus that talk about not letting your left hand know what your right hand is doing when you give. How then do I talk about what Christmas is now about for me? How do I answer questions about what I'm doing for Christmas, or let other people know that they matter to me (or that I've made a contribution to charity on their behalf) without sounding like I'm broadcasting my good works for men to see?
[LOL...I just realized that even by writing this post, I'm "broadcasting" my giving]
But it's important that we enter into a dialogue about this as families and as a community so that we remind one another that there is a better way, a higher way, and that we will forgive each other the absence of Christmas presents in order to encourage this beautiful thing that is growing up among us. I don't believe that remaining completely silent is the answer, and so my mom will know that her Christmas gift this year is a micro-loan to a small business owner in the developing world instead of the Dance Dance Revolution game she wanted (yes, that's really on her wish list. I don't think she understands that she needs a PlayStation, too, in order to play it).
As with everything Jesus taught, it ultimately always comes back to the posture of our hearts (to borrow a Chris-ism). Is my heart postured in humility about the wealth of myself and my nation, holding loosely to possessions out of love for my neighbor? Or is my heart swelling with smug self-satisfaction every time I see the admiration of others when I tell them how I'm NOT celebrating Christmas with gifts? Am I seeking out opportunities to boast about this? Or am I quietly going about my business, giving words to it only minimally and only when the sharing of my giving habits fosters growth and godliness?
Monday, December 10, 2007
Vision, then drudgery
A couple months ago I was pregnant with a vision for what became The Beauty Project. The dream that unfolded expanded into a day of healing, hope, and beauty that surpassed my expectations. Because the vision was God's and His hand was in it. I was dreaming for days after that about the potential for The Beauty Project to grow and touch more lives around my city and the country...
But now here I am the night before The Beauty Project Reunion and I'm trying to piece together blurb.com photo books for each of the 13 women who participated and all I can think is "This is so much work! I'm putting countless hours into this project and not getting paid a cent for it! Does this really matter and will these women even appreciate it? I can't wait until this is over and I can go back to doing other things with my time. Maybe I got a little over-zealous about The Beauty Project; I'm not so sure this should expand after all." And so on and so forth.
-----------------------------------
God gives inspired visions. Visions that are significant in form, depth, and impact, like mine for The Beauty Project. And for a little while we're lit on fire with that vision. It carries us through the initial implementation stages, almost like infatuation takes us through the beginning of a relationship. It's rose-colored deliciousness; that wonderful feeling of being swept up in sometime bigger than ourselves, that lends purpose and meaning to our days.
And then there is drudgery.
The drudgery of carrying out the logistics of the vision -- the paper work, the phone calls, the tedium of data entry or photo processing, or the boredom of another meeting. Sometimes you just get tired of hearing yourself talk about and live in the world of the vision. It starts to feel like real work and the glitter wears off. You wonder where that spark went. Again, it's reminiscent of romantic relationship after the infatuation wears off.
As it turns out, under all the glitter and splendor of vision, there are real people and real world nuisances. There is boredom and there are completely UNinspired moments.
But in those moments we are wise not to allow the presence of drudgery to make us doubt our vision (or our relationship). It might not be glittery, but there's still something solid there. Something you can hold onto. In fact, we find that the drudgery is refining and deepening it.
So I'll ride out the drudgery now, with The Beauty Project, and again in my life work, and yet again in my relationships. Because I believe that in each of these areas, I am called into living purposely within a Vision. My daily ordinariness in these things is sacred. And the drudgery moments will be vastly overshadowed by the blessing of surrender to that Vision.
But now here I am the night before The Beauty Project Reunion and I'm trying to piece together blurb.com photo books for each of the 13 women who participated and all I can think is "This is so much work! I'm putting countless hours into this project and not getting paid a cent for it! Does this really matter and will these women even appreciate it? I can't wait until this is over and I can go back to doing other things with my time. Maybe I got a little over-zealous about The Beauty Project; I'm not so sure this should expand after all." And so on and so forth.
-----------------------------------
God gives inspired visions. Visions that are significant in form, depth, and impact, like mine for The Beauty Project. And for a little while we're lit on fire with that vision. It carries us through the initial implementation stages, almost like infatuation takes us through the beginning of a relationship. It's rose-colored deliciousness; that wonderful feeling of being swept up in sometime bigger than ourselves, that lends purpose and meaning to our days.
And then there is drudgery.
The drudgery of carrying out the logistics of the vision -- the paper work, the phone calls, the tedium of data entry or photo processing, or the boredom of another meeting. Sometimes you just get tired of hearing yourself talk about and live in the world of the vision. It starts to feel like real work and the glitter wears off. You wonder where that spark went. Again, it's reminiscent of romantic relationship after the infatuation wears off.
As it turns out, under all the glitter and splendor of vision, there are real people and real world nuisances. There is boredom and there are completely UNinspired moments.
But in those moments we are wise not to allow the presence of drudgery to make us doubt our vision (or our relationship). It might not be glittery, but there's still something solid there. Something you can hold onto. In fact, we find that the drudgery is refining and deepening it.
So I'll ride out the drudgery now, with The Beauty Project, and again in my life work, and yet again in my relationships. Because I believe that in each of these areas, I am called into living purposely within a Vision. My daily ordinariness in these things is sacred. And the drudgery moments will be vastly overshadowed by the blessing of surrender to that Vision.
A vision without a task is but a dream. A task without a vision is a drudgery. A vision with a task is the hope of the world. (Proverb)
Vitrual Etiquette
This whole business about Mr. Anonymous has opened up a whole can of worms about what qualifies as appropriate blog/Internet behavior. When we move into the world of blogs, emails, message boards and MySpace what happens to all the rules that govern our interactions in the Flesh and Blood World? I know that I'm not the first person to ponder these questions; that indeed these questions have been asked since the advent of email over 10 years ago. But indulge me while I do a little independent musing.
When puzzling over why the presence of vague anonymous posts on my blog could bother me -- and my readers -- so much, I realized that the unease comes largely from the fact that there is no Real World equivalent to such an action. In the Flesh and Blood World, there is no way that you could give anonymous comments or feedback to another person without them either already knowing who you are or pretty easily being able to figure it out. You cannot do this without giving the other person opportunity to respond either.
As an example, you cannot walk up to someone, comment on his/her words, and then walk away before he/she can respond. Unless you blindfolded him/her first, which isn't an option for anyone except possibly hit men and child abductors. And no one likes them very much. Even if you made an anonymous phone call, by now most people have caller ID, which would enable them to call you back or track you down if need be. An anonymous letter MIGHT work, except even then you have the the post office stamp indicating the city and state from whence it came.
In the Flesh and Blood World AND in the Internet world, one has to go to great lengths to maintain anonymity, and in both worlds it therefore tends to creep people out.
However, I worry that I've created another situation that is possibly even creepier by deciding to block anonymous comments. The person(s) can still lurk and read and know an awful lot about my life and my inmost thoughts. Only now, because he/she cannot SAY anything at all, I just don't know about his/her presence. Is ignorance bliss? Is the situation any better than it was before? Or only worse? Have I forced Mr. Anonymous to move from being a blindfolded but talkative stranger to being an unseen, silent stalker?
I realize that I am an unseen and silent stalker on several blogs, too. I am resolving within myself that based on all this discussion about Internet Etiquette, that I will "out" myself on those people's blogs. But I will do so as myself, using my blogger ID, or at least my real name.
So what are the Rules of Engagement for virtual interactions? Anyone wanna chime in here? Has anyone already written such a document? Perhaps I should work on one...
Friday, December 07, 2007
To: mr. anonymous... From: your past friend's friend, Heather
Dear Mr. Anonymous,
Given my expert deductive reasoning – and the shear percentage of my life that Brooke and I have been friends – my safe assumption about you is true, we know each other. And while I left my cheeky comments to you as-is under this assumption, your reply was not of a friend (or “past” friend – more on that later), but rather a creep.
You made a nice apology for being short and course in some of your comments, but I have to be honest, those kind remarks – and your praise for Brooke’s writing – were covered over by the simple sentence, “I can't reveal myself because you no longer know me.”
Now, past-friend of Brooke’s (and possibly mine), you may be unfamiliar with online communities and their purpose. For most of us, we use this as a way to connect – and connection is a two-way street (unless you’re stalking, but that’s just creepy). When I stumble upon information about people I knew in other places, times, lives – whether on blogs, or other online mediums – and I want to connect, on whatever level (another beauty of the Internet, you’re not committed), I send them a message and allow them to respond.
Your one sentence “…you no longer know me,” seems sad and has a twinge of hurt behind it – though I could be reading into this. Is this unrequited love? Unrequited passion? Unrequited friendship, even? Whatever it is, there seems to be a story there – at least from your perspective. And because Brooke and I racked our brains over coffee trying to dig up any dirt from ‘past friends’ and could not come up with a single person we know who would write such comments and yet not reveal himself, this back story seems one-sided, yours.
A few words: We cannot control how people behave. We can only control our reaction to them.
I have connected with many past-friends over the Internet – including a past-boyfriend who hurt me deeply and FINALLY apologized over a message in Facebook (which requires a comment from me, “What is this world coming to if you don’t break up with someone, never call them back, marry, and finally apologize 5 years later on the Internet – and not even in an e-mail?” K – I’m done, back to the issue at hand). I could have left him a cryptic, anonymous message because rightly so, I just wanted to see how he was doing – had me moved on? Did he even remember me? But I left the discussion OPEN.
I know that certainly not even a past friend of Brooke’s would intentionally leave creepy messages on her blog in stalker-like fashion, but my point in writing this is to tell you that you came across that way. And even on the Internet where you can become any kind of person you want to be, I’m quite sure you, personally, do not want to become a stalker – intentionally or not.
You’ll notice that Brooke disabled the feature to allow anonymous comments because of the shear fact that your comments were making her feel “creeped” out. However, we would like to give you a chance to reveal yourself. I encourage you to make yourself a blogger identity and leave a comment like the rest of us – with a chance for a dialogue. And, if this is a bit overwhelming to you – I know you got pretty bashed up in the last comment section – you can find Brooke’s e-mail in her profile.
Best,
Heather
EDIT TO ADD: I received a comment from Mr. A. on my blog, in which he clarifies that he did not leave the comment "Ah, Heather, nice to see you haven't changed" (or whatever it said). Apparently, someone was messing with me. And he wanted to be sure I know that he doesn't know "Heather" (as he said - apparently I'm reduced to quotation marks for this anonymous commenter) and so it looks like he won't reveal himself to me, either...
Given my expert deductive reasoning – and the shear percentage of my life that Brooke and I have been friends – my safe assumption about you is true, we know each other. And while I left my cheeky comments to you as-is under this assumption, your reply was not of a friend (or “past” friend – more on that later), but rather a creep.
You made a nice apology for being short and course in some of your comments, but I have to be honest, those kind remarks – and your praise for Brooke’s writing – were covered over by the simple sentence, “I can't reveal myself because you no longer know me.”
Now, past-friend of Brooke’s (and possibly mine), you may be unfamiliar with online communities and their purpose. For most of us, we use this as a way to connect – and connection is a two-way street (unless you’re stalking, but that’s just creepy). When I stumble upon information about people I knew in other places, times, lives – whether on blogs, or other online mediums – and I want to connect, on whatever level (another beauty of the Internet, you’re not committed), I send them a message and allow them to respond.
Your one sentence “…you no longer know me,” seems sad and has a twinge of hurt behind it – though I could be reading into this. Is this unrequited love? Unrequited passion? Unrequited friendship, even? Whatever it is, there seems to be a story there – at least from your perspective. And because Brooke and I racked our brains over coffee trying to dig up any dirt from ‘past friends’ and could not come up with a single person we know who would write such comments and yet not reveal himself, this back story seems one-sided, yours.
A few words: We cannot control how people behave. We can only control our reaction to them.
I have connected with many past-friends over the Internet – including a past-boyfriend who hurt me deeply and FINALLY apologized over a message in Facebook (which requires a comment from me, “What is this world coming to if you don’t break up with someone, never call them back, marry, and finally apologize 5 years later on the Internet – and not even in an e-mail?” K – I’m done, back to the issue at hand). I could have left him a cryptic, anonymous message because rightly so, I just wanted to see how he was doing – had me moved on? Did he even remember me? But I left the discussion OPEN.
I know that certainly not even a past friend of Brooke’s would intentionally leave creepy messages on her blog in stalker-like fashion, but my point in writing this is to tell you that you came across that way. And even on the Internet where you can become any kind of person you want to be, I’m quite sure you, personally, do not want to become a stalker – intentionally or not.
You’ll notice that Brooke disabled the feature to allow anonymous comments because of the shear fact that your comments were making her feel “creeped” out. However, we would like to give you a chance to reveal yourself. I encourage you to make yourself a blogger identity and leave a comment like the rest of us – with a chance for a dialogue. And, if this is a bit overwhelming to you – I know you got pretty bashed up in the last comment section – you can find Brooke’s e-mail in her profile.
Best,
Heather
EDIT TO ADD: I received a comment from Mr. A. on my blog, in which he clarifies that he did not leave the comment "Ah, Heather, nice to see you haven't changed" (or whatever it said). Apparently, someone was messing with me. And he wanted to be sure I know that he doesn't know "Heather" (as he said - apparently I'm reduced to quotation marks for this anonymous commenter) and so it looks like he won't reveal himself to me, either...
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Recent Photography Jobs 2
Note to self: When you can't think of anything great to post about (or it's late and you're lazy), post photos of recent photography gigs.
John, Heather, Owen, and Sam. My friends and fellow Household members from church.
Noah, whose family has crossed my path in many ways over the last year. He's graduating!
John, Heather, Owen, and Sam. My friends and fellow Household members from church.
Noah, whose family has crossed my path in many ways over the last year. He's graduating!
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Skin Care? Or Apathy?
My roommie sells Ar.bonne. From what I can tell it's a respectable company that puts out some fine products and they seem to be gaining increasing popularity. Perhaps like Avon products were in the 80s, only more rooted in research and science.Tonight my weekly dinner with Whit also included my roommie Sarah and the conversation turned for a time to beauty products, skin care, Ar.bonne. As I listened to them describing the merits of their favorite skin care products and their benefits for glowy, wrinkle-free and blemish-free skin, I could feel my agitation level rising. I wanted to change the subject and kept thinking of ways that I might be able to do so without seeming rude.
Finally I just came right out and told them that I was agitated and overwhelmed by the whole idea of a skin care regimen beyond my current wash-n-go system. I suggested that we save that conversation for the Ar.bonne party I am hosting for Sarah in a couple weeks.
But why so agitated? What gets me about it?
Perhaps it's the practical, low-maintenance side of me that shuns the idea of a 6-step skin care process each and every morning. I resent the time and energy that seems to be required to keep up the appearances of youthful vitality. And I am so rarely awake more than 30 minutes before leaving the house... who has TIME for this stuff?!
But more honestly, perhaps I am agitated because when the subject or beauty regimens arises I feel clueless and abnormal. I feel this way because women are "supposed to" care about these things and I quite frankly do not. But I also DO. Because lately when I look at my face in the mirror in the mirror when the make-up has been removed and the day has spent my energy, I see wrinkles. I feel haggard. I feel Almost Thirty. Thirty. It is not so far away, friends!
So I'm hosting the Ar.bonne party and it's pretty likely that I'll sign up to be a distributor in my own right. So that I can get discounts. Discounts on the products that promise me Eternally 20-Something skin and pH balanced hair and all the rest.
This is simultaneously repulsive and seductive to me.
Monday, December 03, 2007
A Poem (which I did not write, but which makes me think of NYC)
Exit
Or dash my soul against my will instead.
I do not wish to have the quiet part of me
That once could rest (the part
That could just be) tossed
Aside and left somewhere
For dead.
Tonight it seems to me
That what some friends call energy
Is nothing more than a phenomenon of nature known as
"Incurable Whirling Disease."
Please, take me far from here, she said,
The buildings sting and echo
With the fumy cries of yellowjacket cars.
I took her hand in mine and said,
I'm thinking of a place now
Where I used to have to tell myself
Aloud,
Those are not clouds,
They're stars.
Copyright 2007, Linford Detweiler
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Internet: The New Reading?
Why don't I read anymore? I used to read so much! Reading was a part of my identity. My bookshelves lined with interesting, intelligent books, both fiction and non-fiction, seemed to speak to any who would take the time to browse about who I was. You could tell by looking at my book shelf that I am a Christian (a questioning one), that I am trained as a counselor and a health educator, and that for fiction I prefer books that take me to other times and places around the world (which gets played out in my reality of travel). You would take a look at my bookshelves and believe me to be intelligent, emotive, thoughtful, and possessing of good taste. And all of that would be more or less true.My book shelves are rather stagnant in their growth these days. And the reason is that I have not been reading. At least not in the traditional sense of the word. I have not been reading books, but I have been reading loads of Internet material -- blogs, emails, and random postings on Facebook. I have also been "reading" Flickr.
I think this is a poor substitute. I think this is definitely a de-evolution. If you could look at my Internet browsing history like you can look at the books on my book shelves, what would it say about me? I don't like the answer.
So here's for another resolution. I will not let my mind go to rot. I will revive the book-loving part of me and put a bit of a damper on the Internet-browsing part of me. Any recommended reading to get me started?
Happily Stranded
I drove down to Lansing yesterday to get some new tires (a Christmas gift from my mom -- thanks, Mom!), lunch with my mom, and an afternoon date with Chris.It was all good -- especially the part where Chris and I had the small but valiant little Potter Park Zoo all to ourselves for a couple hours, complete with lots of twinkle lights and festive music piped through the park, as if someone ordered it all just for us.
Come 9 pm, the much-anticipated winter storm started to roll in. We quickly realized how icy it was. Driving was slow and required the level of attentiveness and care that leaves your whole body stiff with the effort. So we decided to become stranded. Stranded at my childhood home in Grand Ledge, MI.
Who doesn't love a good stranding, or a snow-in, so long as the basic material needs are still met? To light candles, cuddle up on the couch under a flannel blanket, and watch a movie. These are things we could do all the time, I guess, but there's something about the feeling of HAVING to do it because the weather won't permit you to do anything more productive makes if feel ten times lovelier.
So now I'm trying to regroup to get myself back on the road home. It's hard to get motivated knowing that my car is out there in the driveway covered in approximately 1 inch (yes, exaggeration) of ice that will need to be chipped off, and that my heating will likely not work properly, reducing me to tense, shivering discomfort for the hour-drive home. But it must be done. The world is waiting for my re-emergence! (Aren't you?)
Saturday, December 01, 2007
Dear Mr. or Ms. Anonymous
You are posting comments that I'm not sure how to take. Do I take them as mean-spirited and spiteful? Or just painfully and unreservedly honest?
Mr./Ms. Anonymous, you are making quite a splash. Friends are asking me, "what's up with that guy who keeps leaving mean comments on your blog?" Of course, I have no idea what to tell them because you have chosen not to reveal yourself.
I am not threatened by you, Mr./Ms. Anonymous. You can keep it coming if you so choose. I will take from you what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
Mr./Ms. Anonymous, you are making quite a splash. Friends are asking me, "what's up with that guy who keeps leaving mean comments on your blog?" Of course, I have no idea what to tell them because you have chosen not to reveal yourself.
I am not threatened by you, Mr./Ms. Anonymous. You can keep it coming if you so choose. I will take from you what is worth keeping and with the breath of kindness, blow the rest away.
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